Giving penance to video game villains

Thanks to my future bride Allicia for coming up with this goofy idea. What kind of penance would I give the different villains in video games, if they were Catholic and came to confession and I was a priest? We've got a glut of villainy here, and if these bad guys can do it in my imagination, perhaps more of us could visit the confessional in real life.

Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog series)

What did he do? Kidnapped a bunch of animals, held them in a metal cage/egg, and pretty much tried to destroy Sonic, who desperately wanted to save his bluebird and bear cub friends.

What does the Catechism say? 2416 Animals are God's creatures. He surrounds them with his providential care. By their mere existence they bless him and give him glory.197 Thus men owe them kindness. We should recall the gentleness with which saints like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Philip Neri treated animals.

His penance? Release the animals, stop your stupid world domination plans. Say a rosary for 40 days (the number of days Noah was in the ark) and read Isaiah chapter 11.

King Koopa (Bowser, from the Super Mario Bros. series)

What did he do? Kidnapped Princess Toadstool (or Peach) numerous times.

What does the Cathechism say? 2297 Kidnapping and hostage taking bring on a reign of terror; by means of threats they subject their victims to intolerable pressures. They are morally wrong. Terrorism threatens, wounds, and kills indiscriminately; it is gravely against justice and charity.

His penance? I'd make him say a Hail Mary for each time he's kidnapped Peach (that's a lot, btw). Also donate all those gold coins to the New England Institute of Technology to aid their plumbing technology program.

King Hippo (from the Punch-Out! series)

What did he do? Became an overweight boxer and appeared in Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.

What does the Catechism say? 1866 Vices can be classified according to the virtues they oppose, or also be linked to the capital sins which Christian experience has distinguished, following St. John Cassian and St. Gregory the Great. They are called "capital" because they engender other sins, other vices. They are pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia.

His penance? Spend an hour each week in front of the blessed sacrament until he gets to a healthy weight. Keeping in mind that the body is the temple of the Lord, he should donate the money he would normally spend on junk food to a food pantry.

The Space Invader Aliens (from Space Invaders)

What did they do? Tried to conquer humanity without ever giving a moral, valid reason.

What does the Catechism say? 2314 "Every act of war directed to the indiscriminate destruction of whole cities or vast areas with their inhabitants is a crime against God and man, which merits firm and unequivocal condemnation."110 A danger of modern warfare is that it provides the opportunity to those who possess modern scientific weapons especially atomic, biological, or chemical weapons - to commit such crimes.

Their penance? Take some time to pray to Saint George and ask for his wisdom concerning just and righteous wars. Also, help us rebuild those shields you shot through. They cost a fortune.

Last Action Hero (Sega Genesis)

What did it do? Made me waste $3 renting this awful crap game.

What does the Cathechism say? 2408 The seventh commandment forbids theft, that is, usurping another's property against the reasonable will of the owner. There is no theft if consent can be presumed or if refusal is contrary to reason and the universal destination of goods. This is the case in obvious and urgent necessity when the only way to provide for immediate, essential needs (food, shelter, clothing . . .) is to put at one's disposal and use the property of others.

His penance: An Our Father. Also, read Joshua chapter 7. In it, Israel gets destroyed in a battle right after the Jericho victory, due to a soldier disobeying God and keeping loot instead of destroying everything. The guy is stoned to death. Stealing isn't good! Finally, get a time machine, go back and run for governor in 1993 so as to avoid making the movie that became this game.


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    About This Blog

    A blog for the masses, if by masses you mean myself and family members who probably read this out of pity.

    I'm dustin Faber, the 16-bit Catholic. This blog is an amusing, sometimes thought-provoking look at my life and the world around me. Poetry, cooking recipes, gaming, faith, things that make me go awww, things that make me go grrr, and my obsession with a good glass of root beer can be found here.

    If you're looking for gaming-centered posts, check out catholicvideogamers.blogspot.com. If you seek the blog I keep with my fiance, check out thecatholiclovebirds.blogspot.com

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